Question Sent in by Mari – How Do I Confront My Cheating Husband?
I recently discovered my husband of seven years has been cheating on me. He has been acting suspicious the past two months, coming home late, making excuses to leave the house and saying he’s hanging out with an old friend from college. Finally, after he seemed to start a fight for no reason, and left the house I decided I’d had enough. I logged in to his laptop and searched through his files. After searching for jpeg and video files I found a secret stash of semi-nude pictures from a lady he works with. I’m heartbroken!! I need to know if he is really having an affair, I mean the nude pics definitely say something is going on but I need to know the full truth. The pictures looked like the lady was some sort of stripper with a pole and lingerie with some topless shots. I’m not even 100% sure if he’s cheated that’s why I need help confronting him and learning the truth! I need to confront him, but I don’t want the kids subjected to yelling and fighting. I guess I should drop the kids off with a relative and make sure I confront him in a public place. I just don’t know!! I’m also worried that he will runoff and leave us without any support. I haven’t worked in many years now and I barely have anything in my savings account. That’s another issue though…
Can you please give me advice about what’s the best way to confront him and learn if he is really having an affair?
You definitely need to confront your husband about his cheating. Don’t wait any longer or it will just lead to more resentment and hostility. When confronting him I would have a list of questions ready so that you can get to the bottom of this and leave behind no lingering doubts so you can figure out what YOU want to do.
This is what you need to find out from him. 1. Is he cheating? 2. How does he feel about the other woman? 3. How long has this affair been going on? 4. What does he plan to do? 5. Has there been other women? 6. Does he want to remain married? 7. Will he go to counseling?
It’s important that you have collected as much evidence as possible before you confront him. But, don’t let this process take too long because you can’t let him continue cheating on you.
Then you need to go someplace public that will ensure your safety with him. Confront him with your allegations of infidelity and make sure you get answers. If he tries to deny things start dropping proof of his cheating until you get answers.
Make sure you try to remain calm and direct during this confrontation. Don’t let him try to con his way out. This is your time to learn the facts and if he can’t respect you enough to tell you the truth you need to make plans to leave him.
Finally, depending on what you find out and whether you decide to stay with him you will need a marriage counselor. Couple’s therapy can really help the two of you work on your problems and try to rekindle your love. If you do decide to break up and get a divorce you need to consult with an attorney in your area to find out your legal rights in your area. You will also want to confide in a close friend or family member for support. This is a very difficult time and you shouldn’t try to do it alone.
I wish you the best!
If you are sure the pics belonged to a women he works with you need to clean out the savings account right now. Drop the kids off with your parents or a friend you trust and confront him with this as soon as possible. Don’t let him keep cheating on you. If he is cheating on you then I recommend you leave him and think about what you really want to do.
Have sex with him, and then quickly sit on his face and take a large shit. The messier the better, then you will be on your way to getting even!
Confront him in public? Bad move. Don’t air out your dirty laundry in public unless of course he is abusive, in which case that may be 2 reasons to leave him.
Semi-nude pictures of a woman hanging off a stripper pole? What is your husband’s job, bouncer at a tit bar?
Before you confront him see a lawyer about your financial situation. It sounds like you’re ready to leave him regardless of what he admits to since you’re already talking about divorce. Find out your rights first. And as far as child support goes usually a spouse’s wage can be garnisheed if he refuses to pay up. If he “takes off” it should not be a problem for local authorities to track him down by computer and complete the garnishee.
Sounds like there are a lot more problems in your marriage than infidelity.